This blog may take many shapes and forms. I am not known to follow through on much, so I expect this to be no different. I am, however, starting it as a way to talk through and discuss my journey through reconciling my inner science nerd with my faith.
My Backstory
I grew up in a religion-free zone. My parents, raised Catholic and various Christian denominations, had shunned the idea of organized religion and everything that went with. Not to say they weren't supportive; we had nativity scenes and discussions of heaven, I went through a "say grace before you eat" phase and they obediently folded their hands and waited for me finish. But these things, despite being religious institutions to many, had zero religious meaning for us. They were the equivalent of going to school or work, they happen because that's how life works. We were a self-proclaimed hippie family, from a gunne sax and flannel wedding to children raised almost exclusively on Simon and Garfunkel. Religion just wasn't a thing in our house.
From an early age I have always been fascinated by religion. I believe that it is because I never really understood it. I couldn't fathom how someone could believe so blindly in something there is no proof of, and I still struggle with that concept today. But I have also always WANTED to be religious. I love going to church, being a part of a community, joining together with others in a common interest. I love the feeling that prayer brings, so private and stirring, it can provide such an internal calm. I love the Hymns, the recitations, the bible and its messages.
But despite loving all of those things, I can never fully grasp them. Why do we go to church to pray? Who or what am I really praying to? Why do we all chant things together, does that make it stronger? Amen? And the bible, where the lines of reality, fiction and interpretation are so blurred, what is important? What is relevant?
I 100% believe that something stronger than mankind created the universe. I may not know whether it is a scientific force, fate, what we call mother nature, or some dude sitting up in the clouds calling the shots, but I do know that it is more powerful than us. Other than that belief nothing is set in stone for me. I am honest enough to admit that I don't know the answer and probably never will. But this is my journey to find something that can provide some clarity and direction for me.
